How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yo dont text me then not text me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
