I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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