yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
