Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
