he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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