cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize