I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
