somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
