Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
