I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
