So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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