bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
