She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
