I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
