she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
