Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
