apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
