So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
