I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
