I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
