Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
