I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
