she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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