: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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