my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We need to get me chipped asap
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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