there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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