My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
