hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
