So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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