Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
