You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
