Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
