remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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