im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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