He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
