His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
is that a dick in a sweater?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
