I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
