At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
pray to the hookup gods
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
