God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
