I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize