More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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