Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
