Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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