I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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