Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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