Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
