there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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