So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
