..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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