I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
