i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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