We won't sleep together?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
