I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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