I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
