Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
