You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
