he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
