if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
