I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
