I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
