So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
