Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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