I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
