rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
