i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
